i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
