I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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