Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
