member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
