I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
