and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
