some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
