I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
