I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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