I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
