I'm eating all of the evidence.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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