can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
