i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
