when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You're a waste of cheezeits
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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