I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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