Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
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He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
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I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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