So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
