even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
