u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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