Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
