If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i believe in u and ur pee
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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