I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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