What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
