Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
