I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
