i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
