Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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