bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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