If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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