You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
