We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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