The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
