maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
