Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
