i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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