wat bout pragnant strippers??
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
