glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
