I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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