I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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