I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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