i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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