I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
