It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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