Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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