omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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