im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
