Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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