Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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