He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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