Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize