He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
