My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
