I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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