Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
