so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
