i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
