I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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